What if God doesn’t agree with me being gay?

Lent has been an interesting one for me this year. I usually like to give something up that’s a real challenge and this year I decided to go veggie for lent. So no meat, fish, chicken, or anything with traces of meat in, which unfortunately for me rules out lots of lovely chewy sweets! It’s definitely one of the hardest years I’ve done, and it’s not necessarily the taste I’ve missed, it’s more the texture, which sounds bizarre!

Anyway I digress! We’re also still in our first year of LGBT Christian Fellowship being up and running, although the idea was there for quite a while before I actually did anything! We’re in the last few weeks before our first event on Saturday 26th April, which is open to all. I’ve said so many times before; it’s like fighting two corners. Trying to let the LGBT community know that God does love them and not all Christians are anti-gay, and trying to show the Christian community that being gay/trans/whatever is perfectly ok!

Being a Christian, lent is the time when you’re supposed to be all reflective, it doesn’t always happen for me, but this year it has a little. Stereotypically I’ve been thinking about sacrifice, the most obvious sacrifice for me during lent was giving up meat, but I’ve also been thinking about it in terms of being gay and Christian as well (shock horror!)
I seem, over the past few months to be having a similar conversation with quite a few different people, which is hard to describe in a sentence, but I guess ultimately What if God doesn’t agree with me being gay?

Now I realise that opens up a huge can of worms, with lots of consequential questions, but it is something I personally have been thinking about a lot. Not in the same way as when I was coming to terms with being gay, and coming out, but more from the perspective of where my priorities lie. Is God number one in my life? Or is my sexuality?

I guess this can happen to anyone, whatever cause they are fighting for, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced similar (and I’d love to hear about it if you have) but it sometimes feels like the cause can take over more that the reason you’re fighting. I’m not sure if that makes sense so let me try and explain a little. I am so used to talking about being gay, and how that intertwines with my faith, that sometimes it feels like I am gay, before I am Christian, and I guess therefore putting my sexuality before God.

Now don’t worry (or don’t get too excited depending on which angle you’re reading this) I’m not about to say being gay is wrong, but it has made me think more about my personal relationship with God. As I’ve said in other blogs, and in person, I truly believe that God did not make any mistakes regarding my sexuality, and, that being a part of LGBT Christian affirming groups is my calling at the moment but I have been thinking what if? What if in the same way God has affirmed my sexuality he told me he didn’t want me to act on it? That he wanted me to marry a guy? That he wanted me to stand up and fight the opposite cause? What would I do?
I would do it. And although that is hard to say, and believe me I haven’t taken this lightly, I would. God is number one in my life. I trust in him completely, I wouldn’t understand it, and I would probably fight against it for quite a while, but I think I would eventually trust he knew what he was doing, and follow him.

I don’t currently have any of the above feelings or convictions, so for now I’m going to continue being a ‘raving homosexual’ but it has been important for me to think about this, and I believe I haven’t just had the same conversation with different people by coincidence, this is something God wanted me to think about as well. I guess maybe to reinforce that he is still number one.

I think I probably need to make clear that I don’t believe God will ask that of me, celibacy is a different question; however I believe God creates your sexuality perfectly in the same way he does the colour of your eyes, skin, hair, and your personality and that isn’t something that is changeable. You can supress it yes, but you cannot change it, and he does not want you to change it.

I spend a lot of time up and down the M62, and that’s where I spend most of my time thinking, praying and worshiping as well! I’ll leave you with a song lyric that has really stood out to me over the past few months, it’s from a song called ‘Be Exalted’ by a guy called Ben Cantelon (listen below)

“Be exalted, be exalted, in my life above all else, be lifted up
be exalted, be exalted, you are Lord and no one else, be lifted up”

Lucy x

28 thoughts on “What if God doesn’t agree with me being gay?

  1. I have read your post, very interesting. I sincerely hope this reply is taken in the context it’s intended and not seen as aimlessly argumentative. I am not gay, by the way and in many ways I don’t consider myself to be ‘religious’. I am Christian and have faith or belief in some form. Just find the contradictions of being a ‘good Christian’ to hard to follow. Your struggles against anti gay Christians are not uncommon and to be fair, unsurprising. The book is gospel, mind the pun, everything in there is to be followed to the letter. When I was searching for my faith I was given good advice and insight into just how deeply this can lead a man. I am not the first to criticize the bible, it’s messages have been watered down and modernized to suit a 21st century belief system. Does this mean you should be allowed to be a gay Christian? And more so that this is simply accepted? Possibly. BUT its unreasonable to expect these antigay Christians to simply accept that people have decided to pick and choose the area’s of the bible they wish to follow or adhere to. It’s not a manual, and not a step by step guide as to how you Should live your life. Do you Choose faith? Do you choose sexuality? Does god not give you the freedom to be as you wish? Seeing both sides of the argument is important. Humans are mammals, designed to reproduce and populate the earth created in the vision of their maker. This simple principal dictates that perhaps you are not keeping your end of the bargain and if everyone decided to be homosexual the human race would simply cease to exist. It was interesting what you wrote about lent, in the grand circle of life the animals are meat for human nourishment, our bodies are buried and in essence become the grass the animals feed from. Vegetarians choose not to eat meat, is this disrespectful? As the creatures are meant to be meat and be eaten. Man is meant to eat meat, vegetarians choose not to, man is meant to reproduce with women homosexuals choose not to. My opinion is not important in the grand scheme of things however I think the question is really, is sexuality a lifestyle CHOICE, or where you created in a certain way?

    1. I’d like to reply to Dave’s reply….. I think it’s slightly ignorant to describe homosexuality as a choice. It’s not the same as choosing to become vegetarian! I also don’t think gay Christians are picking and choosing bits of the bible to ignore….. much of the bible is highly contextual and further to that open to educated interpretation. I don’t know many Christians who choose not to eat shall fish, refuse to wear mixed fibres or women who don’t speak and cover their heads in church- yet all these things are in the Bible. Yet Jesus tells us clearly that only them without sin should cast the first stone…. but as Christians we often seem very good at judging others.
      Ultimately we don’t know what God thinks- we can only live our lives with integrity, remain prayerful and discern his will in our lives.

      1. “Ultimately we don’t know what God thinks- we can only live our lives with integrity, remain prayerful and discern his will in our lives.”

        Yes! Very true 🙂 Thanks Kate

        Lucy x

    2. Hi Dave,
      Thanks for your thoughts, genuinely appreciate them 🙂 I’ll try and reply as best I can!
      I don’t really count myself as a ‘cherry picker’ there is a lot in the Bible that we (dare I say) disregard in the 21st century, I would assume because it isn’t relevant in today’s society. As for modernizing our reading of the Bible, I guess yes we do. I struggle with the idea of picking up a book (or lots of books!) that was written over 2000 years ago and reading it literally, whether that is the Bible or a novel. So I may not consider myself a cherry picker, but I would consider myself one of those Christians that puts a lot of important on the context.

      In regards to choice, yes I believe we where given free will, however I also believe I didn’t choose my sexuality. I apologize in advance for the cheesy question, but I’m going to ask you when did you choose your sexuality? Being attracted to other women is something I have always felt, I assume whichever gender you’re attracted too that’s not something you’ve had to choose either?

      As for pro creation, I miss the point here a little as everyone deciding to become gay simply won’t happen. Whether you believe it’s a choice or not, the LGBT community will never take over the world, and I wouldn’t want it too! It’s a difficult subject as you can bring couples who don’t want children, can’t have children etc. into the mix. But for the sake of it, lets say we did take over the world, and no one was pro creating naturally. I can only count for myself, but I would be more than happy to find a male couple who also wanted children and find a medical way of doing it. In fact, that would be an option I’d look at anyway!

      I hope that maybe helps a little, I don’t claim to know all the answers, and I know people will disagree, and that’s ok. But it is important to talk about it and respect each other while we do, so thank you 🙂
      Lucy x

  2. That’s a really good post, really well written, and its something I’ve been thinking about too. I’ve only just completely accepted being bisexual. Being Catholic I’ve decided to reject the Church’s teaching on the subject. That is a very big deal for me. I’ve had to ask myself the question, am I rejecting God? At times I’ve seriously worried I am, but I think it would be more worrying if that thought had never crossed my mind, people who are 100% certain they are in the right tend to be blind to their own faults.

    In order to come to where I am regarding living as a queer Christian , at times I’ve focused more on the former than the latter too. This is a natural process. I will always gravitate back to my faith, because without God I am nothing, but now that I’ve come to some type of peace on the issue of my sexuality hopefully I’ll be able to offer myself to God more fully rather than try to suppress that part of myself when I pray, worship or go to Mass.

    It is so good to see a fellow traveler on this journey of faith. Humility is the answer, we have to be aware of who we are in relation to God in order to have a healthy relationship with God. God created us in his image, he gave us free will as a part of that image, God loves us. Being humble isn’t about denigrating yourself but recognising your worth in God’s eyes. So we have to recognise our worth as gay Christians. Easier said than done where there is a lot of institutionalised homophobia within the Church, but I’ve come to the conclusion that God really does value us for who we are!

    God bless and keep fighting the good fight 🙂


    1. Hey Dana,

      Yeah you’re spot on. And it think it’s so important to question, I was always taught that when I was younger, yet as I got a bit older it was almost a case of ‘Yes ask questions but not about homosexuality’

      Glad you’ve come to terms with it a bit more, and looking forward to meeting you!

      Lucy x

  3. A refreshing Lent outlook; thank you.
    I guess none of us will have any answers until we meet our Lord face to face and we’ll have all our questions answered. Does God like us being heterosexual/homosexual/blue eyed/ginger/or whatever? How cross is he when I’m selfish and thoughtless? Did he plan for my son to have a disability or does it upset him – or both? Was it selfish of me to have all my children given we have an overpopulated world? And all the thousand of secret questions in my heart. But God is Love (that at least I think is taken as fact for Christians); and many of us do live in that knowledge of his love and with that security of his love whilst discerning our way in the light of that on this wonderful and uncomfortable journey of faith in hope. If we can travel that way in humility and a desire to discern what God may be saying to us; and loving each other in our different journeys whilst praising him, then that may be enough.
    Perhaps we should all drop our own personal campaigns during Lent and pick up the causes of those which we are ignorant of and do not serve us personally – not sure how that would work really and may be artificial if, as I suspect, we are given particular experiences to be a voice for those with similar experiences without a voice. Anyway, “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice”.

    1. Hi Ally,

      Thanks for that. God is love indeed, and yes you’re right, no one will know until we meet him face to face. Until then, like you say we’ve just got to try our best!

      Lucy x

  4. Always tough when God calls us to do something that goes against the grain — like allow yourself to be handed over and crucified for instance; bit of a struggle (!) for Jesus in Gethsemane, I seem to recall…

    But the good news is, because Jesus made that choice, we don’t have to: he accepts us, gay, straight or in between: Notes from a Gay Christian Woman

  5. Thank you for this very interesting blog. I had written a longer comment earlier but frustratingly lost just before I could post it. Will redo it later, and will post it.

  6. I’m not a Christian, so if you chose to disregard this post all together I won’t be offended, but I’ve always found this issue of having to choose your religion or your sexuality among Christianity to be particularly heartbreaking. My religion comes at this issue from a completely different place, so my issues are more about being a religious minority in a place that does not have real freedom religion, but thinks it does.

    What I’d like to talk about is the, “God doesn’t make mistakes,” thing. I’ve seen this used by both sides of this argument to justify their beliefs. “God doesn’t make mistakes, so you’re belief that you aren’t in the right body is wrong.” “God doesn’t make mistakes, and since I am gay then I was supposed to be gay.”

    Now, I’m not interested in getting into the mind of your god. I know what my belief is, and I understand the pain Christianity has caused over the millennia to so many different groups. What I believe is we are as we were meant to be, but that is in both mind and body. I don’t believe any entity, no matter what you call them, would create anyone for the purpose of being hated or condemned. I believe that as a lesbian I am exactly how I am meant to be. My friend, who is intersex, is exactly how she is meant to be. Another friend who is transgender is exactly how she is meant to be.

    I believe we are here for a reason. We each give something to society in a way no one else can. As a lesbian, the children in my life are chosen. I welcome them in and give them a place to express needs they may not otherwise be able to express. It is true that conventional procreation isn’t common among us, but it does happen. More often we take in abandoned or otherwise unwanted children. And that is an important purpose.

    And then there are my friends, those people whose bodies don’t match their minds. In my faith they are sacred. Their spiritual energy is something very important, but more than that they are a test. They are people whose very existence challenges our understanding of society. How we treat them defines who we are. If we accept them, give them a place, and try to help them have the bodies they want, then we are people who know how to give compassion to those who are different. Unfortunately that isn’t who we are. We are people who hurt those who are too different. We beat, rape, kill, and burn alive those who are too different.

    It isn’t easy to look at someone you don’t understand and say they are exactly as they were meant to be. It isn’t easy to challenge your sense of normal. But one thing I’ve learned is nothing in life worth having comes easily.

    1. Hi Erica,

      Thanks for your comments, I would never disregard them 🙂
      To a certain extent I agree with pretty much all you say, I believe you don’t have to choose between your sexuality and religion as they intertwine perfectly. God created me, including my sexuality. Therefore who am I to argue with that or try and change it?

      Again, good to hear from you
      Lucy x

  7. I am encouraged by all your honest and well reasoned comments and counter comments. I am 30 something, black, African, male and gay. Raised a Christian, my strength is derived from the memories of my early childhood years, when I knew and I was convinved I was attracted to the same gender, confusing it was, I never imagined being of anything other than of God and innocently never bothered to questioned God. It was only when I was exposed to the hatred that I realised my difference was worthy questioning and yet still hoped God will provide all the answers. I finally accepted who I am last year and it has made me some what come to terms to with what caused the anxiety, loneliness, moods etc. However, my journey doesnt end here, for I know, only God has the final judgement, even though I have temporarily suspended attending church services. My knowledge of God I now believe isnt in attending church but believe in fellowshiping with those who dont judge but accept me as a real being in Christ and a significant member of His body.

    The Bible still remains a major part of my moral guide, intuitively or if literally interpreted with the rightness of actions envisaged therein. If U have never dared to violenlty abuse or kill another being, I wouldnt want the same to be done to me for I believe such thoughts and action speak love and God is love. The same goes with all -isms of every sort, prejudices and discrimination. For if I could change my race, I could have done so, a long time ago, but I cant ever, and see my being as a gift to the world in this way. Let what is given forth in birth in its harmless form be gift and never to be corrupted by world of adults.

    Thanks to you all for your humane and God gifted reasoning for encouragement and peace embodying tones.

    1. Hi Max,

      Thanks for this. I found it really interesting, what you said about growing up and knowing you where gay yet never questioning how this sat with your beliefs until you where aware of the hatred.
      I’ve never thought of it like this, I guess mainly because I grew up always being aware that being gay was ‘wrong’ it was only when I looked into it deeper that I came to my own conclusions.

      But it is humans that are causing the damage. I pray that one day young lgbt people will grow up as you did, not questioning it, but also not being faced with the hatred.
      Thanks for your comment Max 🙂

      Lucy x

  8. Hi,
    I’m a Christian (here in America), and I’ve noticed that lately that word has become so hated. People associate Christians with those who are ignorant and close-minded and full of hate towards the gay community. Sadly, in some cases (the ones that are typically highly televised) it’s true.

    Now, I’m a straight 30 something, and I want to thank you, sincerely, for your post. It helps me see a different perspective as I try to make this oil-and-water, religious paradox make sense in my own brain. Being raised in a Christain church, I still struggle to find the balance between “God doesn’t make mistakes” and “being gay is wrong.” I personally feel that loving others is our priority, so why focus on their sexual preference? Ultimately the way we live our lives is between us and God.

    As someone commented above, we don’t know what God thinks (concerning Old Testament law and present culture), so instead of straight Christians drawing attention to the argument of heterosexual vs homosexual, why don’t we live to love each other? All the arguing (especially here in the States) draws people’s attention away from God and creates HUGE divides between us “straight-Christians” “gay christians” and the “non-Christians.”

    The comments I’ve seen on social media (especially from celebrities!) lately are so hurtful towards Christians, and it makes me sad that as Followers of Christ we are slowly building this wall around ourselves that ignores the rest of society, and paints a picture of our God as one who rejects and ignores instead of loves and calls. How is it that we can go out and share God’s love with the multitudes, but still say “ugh, gross, they’re gay. It’s against what God planned”..?

    We are so missing the point.

    One of my very best friends (who I’ve known since he was 2) came out about five years ago. I remember being only a bit surprised, and because of my upbringing I wasn’t sure how I was “supposed” to feel. All I knew was that I loved him like a brother and I love him still. That will never, ever change. I’ve met his boyfriend and he is wonderfully kind and smart and a pleasure to hang out with. This friend recently sent my family a card that said he was thankful for our love and support his entire life, and that we are his family. It made me cry a bit, to realize he knew that we love him, even though our beliefs growing up were so different.

    I’m sorry, this post got away from me at some point. I hope it makes sense! My point is this:

    As Christians (gay or straight), we need to listen to God’s voice, walk in the direction He sends us , and LOVE.
    Let God sort out everything else.

    1. Hi Jenn,

      Yes I totally agree with you. In the grand scheme of things, what does my sexuality have to do with it. I love who I love, and it’s that *love* that is most important!
      Thanks for your comment 🙂

      Lucy x

  9. Hi Lucy. I came across this site yesterday as part of my ongoing attempt to increase my understanding of LGBT issues. Interestingly, later in the day I was pondering the very issues that you have addressed in this blog, and which I have just read this morning. How a cause, whatever it’s merits, can actually become more important than God himself. I am still in a different place to you on a number of matters, but I was very encouraged to read of your commitment to keep God as number one in your life. ‘God is number one in my life. I trust in him completely, I wouldn’t understand it, and I would probably fight against it for quite a while, but I think I would eventually trust he knew what he was doing, and follow him.’ I’ll look forward to learning more from your site in the future. Regards. Bernard.

    1. Hi Bernard,

      Thanks for your comment, glad you’re looking into the issue, even if you’re not completely sure on it, we need more people like you! Hopefully the blog/site helped in that process.

      Lucy x

      1. Hi Lucy. Thanks for your response. Yes, I found the site helpful, thanks. It might sound simplistic, but personally, I believe it is so important to relate to others as persons, so that even though I may have a differing perspective, mutual respect is always present. And even though the internet has its limitations, it is a useful means in giving access to others experiences, and why they believe what they do, so increasing understanding. Your site has added to my understanding. And it may not be easy to dialogue around the different perspectives for a number of reasons, but the more we see each other as persons, the more positive, I believe, the dialogue will be. Anyway, thanks again. Bernard.

        1. Hi Lucy. Not sure if you’ll read this, but just to say I watched your coming out story earlier, and wanted to say thanks for sharing. Also, just read your tweet about being a ‘Christian’, and would say in response, keep going! Regards. Bernard.

  10. Was good to read this and very excited about LGBT fellowship. All I had when was struggling with faith and sexual it Was a desperate search for answers. I came across a site called gay Christians which was great but not local or actually English all amercain. It did answer questions though especially around what was called the “basher verses” what people say to say your wrong being gay. But it is all interpretation and I agree fully with you lucy about so much of the bible not being relevant now. I just think if GOD knew us and made us so perfectly he wouldn’t have made us alone or hating/repressing part of us

    1. Hey Caroline!

      Thanks for your comment! Yeah there’s so much more out there now which is great! Hopefully see you at one of the meetings soon!
      Lucy x

  11. Hi Lucy. Trust you are well. Again, I’m not sure if this is the best place to make this comment, but it was the best I could think of. You are one of the voices I’m listening to, to grow in my understanding of LGBT positions and views, and I’ve been thinking about your tweets about the comments of the new Bishop of Bath, and the responses you also received. Having now listened to the interview, it seems to me that the Pink News headline put an unfair negative spin on his comments which then resulted in further negative assessments by various tweets, and so hasn’t really helped the conversation.

    Firstly, the bishop did not appear to me to be making a statement to condemn same sex marriage, but was responding to one of a number of questions being put to him. Also, I thought he fairly and sensitively stated his own view about marriage, as being given by God and being between a man and a woman, which view is also held by many others. He also stated, that though this was his view of marriage, the government had now changed the law, and so the Church of England was considering how it should respond in working with this law.

    Overall, I felt he made a fair statement of one position, but this was mis-communicated by Pink News as ‘condemning’ same sex marriage, and so contributed to further the tension between the several sides. Although I recognise this is a very sensitive and personal issue for many people in different ways, it seems to me that we can only make progress if we recognise and give respect to conflicting views and try to find a workable compromise for the present, whilst continuing to look for further change if possible into the future. I feel on this occasion, Pink News did not accurately portray the Bishop’s position and attitude, and so has widened the divide. You may well have listened to the interview yourself and feel my assessment is wrong, and if so I would be interested, if you have time, in hearing more of your perspective.

    Anyway, thanks for listening, and thanks also for sharing. I will look to continue to learn from your blog etc. Wishing you well. Bernard.

    1. Hi Bernard,

      Hope you’re well. I’ve no problem you commenting on the blog although, it may be best to email us (lgbtchristianfellowship@hotmail.co.uk) or do feel free to engage on Twitter 🙂

      I do see where you’re coming from, and I did actually think myself yesterday, to be fair to him he wasn’t responding to a question specifically about his position on same sex marriage. And what’s more Pink News is an LGBT secular news site, so any news on there is going to be spun in favour of the LGBT community.

      However, I do feel, and again I stress this is just my personal opinion, that if you where in support of same sex marriage, or same sex blessings you would have phrased what he said a little different. For example, using the words ‘two people’, would have still left him sitting on the fence, but it hasn’t brought attention to the difference in gender in the marriage, which he will be well aware is a big subject in the Church at the moment.

      Granted the Church of England are thinking about how to work within this change in the law, however, I haven’t seen or heard much evidence of that changing in favour of same sex marriages or blessings.

      In regards to respect, I do of course respect his view, however, I obviously don’t agree with it, and whether or not he does support same sex marriage, that situation surely could have been handled better, especially with it happening just after his appointment.

      Hope that helps a little.
      Lucy x

      1. Hi Lucy. Thanks for your response and helpful clarification, to which I will give further consideration. Regarding twitter, it’s something I tend not to use as I feel it has insufficient space to deal adequately particularly with complex ideas. It definitely has a use, but I find that if even with other communication channels miscommunications easily occur, so much more so can they occur with twitter, or at least that’s my perspective. However, if anything else comes up in the future I’ll use the email you’ve indicated. Thanks again. Bernard.

        1. Hi Lucy. Having considered your response further, I think I would say the following.

          It seems to me that in putting an unfair spin on a story in favour of the LGBT community, Pink News undermine their integrity and trustworthiness. I do not think they do their cause any good by inaccurate reporting, and in this case I would also suggest they have unnecessarily widened the divide between views.

          I do believe this debate can only move forward if people honestly describe their position, and it does seems to me that this is what the bishop did.

          I would also say that I felt his response was a fair response to the questioning he was interacting with.

          I think we may see some things differently, but thanks again for sharing your perspective.

          (By the way, your ‘How to write good’ tweet brought a smile to my face! I trust I’ve not committed any of the blunders, though I suspect I may well have done so!!). All the best. Bernard.

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